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| Ugh.
I'm looking at my thumbs (due to the fact that I'm typing in the dark), and my right thumb still has a callous on it from playing trumpet. I still have trumpet thumb.
Today a student, who had procrastinated on an assignment, asked me to fill out a survey. It was about how I measured success, whether I considered myself successful, and what I did to continue being successful. It was difficult to answer. So much of what I consider success is measured by how I feel my students are doing, but when it comes down to it, that's not really what success to me is, at it's core. Superficially, feeling-wise, that affects it greatly. But in the grand scheme, that's not it at all. I know I definitely don't measure success by wealth. That means basically nothing. Do I like being able to afford a comfortable living? Hell yes. Do I look at the rich people in my town driving their mercedes to whole foods and think "Gosh, I wish I could be as successful as they are?" No. I think I measure it more by how much you know, education and life experience-wise, and really, if you do what you set out to do. I will admit that I look at people who didn't go to college a bit differently than people who did, simply because that's all I've ever known. My entire family went to college. My brother is not going to school. I do not consider him successful. He would have to OWN that pizza shop and run it for me to consider him successful. Maybe then what I consider success is independence. I am living independently (for the most part, barring some directions given and some help with matters back in O state), basically on my own out here. I don't have any true, close friends to fall back on, I entertain myself, I make my money and pay my bills. By that standard I would be successful, but really, I don't consider myself successful. I see myself as just starting out on the road. So...
Now I think success, more so than anything else for me, is having a full life. A life with work I enjoy, playtime, a family and kids, and being able to support them comfortably. I also almost think this is a total impossibility. Women are taught now to believe that they can have it all, but the more I observe, the less I think that's true. You can't do everything 100% all of the time. Maybe 50/50 is all anyone can ever have.
Hm.
How do you measure success? | | |
| So.............
Not a lot to report, besides the fact that the fires you see on CNN are about 10 miles north of where I live. And apparently I'm not safe, because quote "the embers can JUMP over roads due to the 60 mile per hour winds". Great.
Needless to say, I have no school today, and I am staying inside with my movies and my books. I was just saying how it's been since Labor day that I've had a day off, and I'm glad...I can finally clean my room and maybe even hang some stuff up. I've lived here for three months and still have boxes that need to be unpacked.
Except for trying to ascertain whether or not I'm going to have to book it south to escape the fires, things have been good. I've been less stressed about stuff as the kids have made more improvements, I have practically a new band room thanks to my amazing parents (they really are FANTASTIC), I attended a social gathering, due to the fires I've actually had time to SLEEP, I joined a gym, and I get to come home in two weeks. I can't believe it's coming up so soon.
Honestly, right now, if you asked me if I was happy, I'd say yes. I don't feel lonely, or sad, or stressed. I HATE the weather (fall does not exist), but I enjoy my job (sometimes), my roommates, my almost-friends. My only fear is growing apart from people. I haven't talked to Krista about anything more than wedding stuff in a long time (rightly so, as that's obviously a big deal), but project runway starts soon, and it makes me think of her. I talk to Courtney often, but we're both so busy we rarely have time to talk about anything meaningful. I want them to move here. Whether I want to or not, I am building a life here, out of pure necessity. Which is strange. I never imagined my life anywhere but Columbus.
But who knows...next week I'll probably hate it here and want to leave. My feelings haven't exactly been consistent in this.
I am now either going to lie back down in my snuggly bed, or clean.
Call me, write me, email, text, whatever, I'm open. I miss you. | | |
| Kate and I went to six flags for free today. The best part about it was the tilt-o-whirl, which we rode three times in succession. I laughed so hard my face hurt. Then we ate cake and lasagna. It was amazing.
Last night she and her bf coerced me into going to a yeah yeah yeah's concert with them. There was some extreme con artistry that happened (christopher is a genius, or something), and it was a fun concert. Someday I too will wear a leapoard print bathing suit on a stage while I dance around and scream.
This weekend was by far the most fun I've had in weeks. Not to mention I slept in till like 11 today, which is unheard of.
I think God gave me this weekend because he knows how bad the next one is going to be. Goo.
Sigh. I miss home. | | |
| UGH!!!!!!!
I just saw the show of another local high school, and we are so far behind in everything. What am I going to do???? | | |
| What can I update?
We are behind in learning, but I think we can catch up in time for our first show. EEEEKK!!!!. I fired someone, and then hired someone, and it's turning out pretty great. Someone has been stealing stuff from the band room and I thought I knew who it was, but now I'm not so sure. I had a six hour rehearsal yesterday...that was fun. Actually I enjoy rehearsing, as long as kids know what's going on and are quiet. I got a lovely sunburn on my pale shoulders because I A)wore a tank top for the first time in months and B)forgot sunscreen. 88 degrees in the middle of September. WEIRD! Also, it's getting darker earlier, but not getting any cooler. That has been weird, as well. I'm a little thrown off by it. I am now ridiculously tired, and I have no clean clothes. I should probably fix both of those problems, but I can't sleep past 7:30 now that I'm used to getting up at 5:30. I know. 5:30!!! What an indecent hour.
Today I am going to do laundry and maybe clean, if I can bring myself to do it. I'm also going to join this gym thing that my choir teacher friend is a member of...5 a.m. kickboxing here I come! At least I'd get the exercise out of the way, right? Right......................... and I think Kate and I are going to the farmer's market where they have the most amazing peaches and then to the local street art fair, which will most likely be lame. You would think living this close to LA that I would find neat things to do, however.....
Other than that, things are the same. I work a lot and do pretty much nothing else. If I didn't have roommates I would be starved for human company, so thank goodness for them. I'm tired a lot, and miss my friends a lot more. Oh well. I find I have the same problem here that we have in C-bus....all the people I have to hang with are older/married/male. I obviously picked the wrong profession for young unmarried company.
Here's to the end of September.
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